Chuck Norris Is An Idiot
Wednesday, June 25, 2003

I think Chuck Norris is an idiot. I've always thought that. I was watching a rerun of the show Charmed this morning on TNT -- well, not watching so much as working on the computer and not wanting to get up to find the remote, so I was looking up the show and then Holly Marie Combs and then news items in re her, and then there was this item in re Chuck Norris. And it reminded me of how much of a moron I think Chuck Norris is...

IMDb Celebrity News: 5th October 2001. Chuck Norris Stunned As Terrorist Attack Mirrors His New Movie: Kung-fu legend Chuck Norris is "dumbfounded" at how closely the terrorist attacks on America mirror his upcoming movie. The eerie scenario of CBS television movie The President's Man: Ground Zero, filmed four months before the attack, has an Islamic extremist threatening to detonate an atomic bomb unless three terrorists who bombed the World Trade Center are released. And the show's title even includes the name given to the devastated impact area in Manhattan where the towers crumbled. The Walker, Texas Ranger star says, "I am dumbfounded. When I saw the World Trade Center being destroyed on TV, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was horrible, freakish. When we did this movie, it was the furthest thing from our minds that something catastrophic would happen. But today, it certainly seems prophetic." In the movie, Norris' character urges students to remember that radical fundamentalists amount to just 1/100th of one percent of the world's 1 billion Muslims. Tough guy Norris, says those are his personal sentiments as well, and adds, "This tragedy has pulled our country together. Now, we've got to retaliate. It's time for terrorists to learn that they have awakened a sleeping giant, and they will pay the price."

Embarrassing exploitation of the 9-11 events, for the obvious purpose of shameless plugging of what is almost certainly an awful made-for-TV action film is bad enough. But then his America-band-together-to-kill-Muslims -- or whatever is a weak attempt at manipulation of his stupid audience.

Chuck Norris was born Carlos Ray Norris, on March 10, 1940, in Ryan, Oklahoma. Norris had bits in the Dean Martin-Matt Helm film The Wrecking Crew (1969) and Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon (1973). Other than that every Norris film is embarrassing and grade F -- unwatchable trash, except for The Delta Force (1986) -- Lee Marvin's last film (and possibly his worst) -- which at least offers the opportunity of seeing this very oddly gathered group of actors who apparently needed money that badly: Martin Balsam, Joey Bishop, Robert Forster, Lainie Kazan, George Kennedy, Hanna Schygulla, Susan Strasberg, Bo Svenson, Robert Vaughn, Shelley Winters and Kim Delaney.

The Delta Force was directed by Menahem Golan, written by James Bruner & Menahem Golan, and produced by Yoram Globus & Menahem Golan. If anyone remembers the godawful Golan-Globus (aka The Cannon Group) films of the 80s -- shoddy, trashy, cheap, cheap, cheap, and stupid, others include*

Norris played Cordell Walker on "Walker, Texas Ranger" from 1993 to 2001 -- grotesque Saturday night pablum for older middle-aged, middle-American men.

Norris films include: Good Guys Wear Black (1978), A Force of One (1979), The Octagon (1980), An Eye for an Eye (1981), Lone Wolf McQuade (1983), Missing in Action (1984), Invasion U.S.A. (1985), Code of Silence (1985), Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985), Braddock: Missing in Action III (1988), Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold (1990), and Top Dog (1995).

*Golan/Globus films include: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987), American Ninja (1985), American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987), Appointment with Death (1988), Assassination (1987), Avenging Force (1986), Bolero (1984), Braddock: Missing in Action III (1988), Cobra (1986), Cyborg aka Masters of the Universe II: The Cyborg (1989), Death Wish 3 (1985), Death Wish II (1982), Enter the Ninja (1981), Hercules (1983), Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989), Masters of the Universe (1987), Messenger of Death (1988), Murphy's Law (1986), Ninja III: The Domination (1984), Over the Top (1987), Secret of Yolanda (1982), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), and Tough Guys Don't Dance (1987).

To be fair, Golan & G were involved in a handful of films that either attempted respectability or received some acclaim in some area: The Company of Wolves (1984), Maria's Lovers (1984), Lifeforce (1985), Runaway Train (1985), Otello (1986), Barfly (1987), Street Smart (1987), and A Cry in the Dark (1988).

G&G also have a bit of a respectable cult following for their "Cannon Movie Tales" -- The Frog Prince, Red Riding Hood, Rumpelstiltskin, Puss In Boots, Beauty & The Beast, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Hansel & Gretel, and The Emperor's New Clothes. There seems to be some question as to the existence of the Cannon Movie Tale of Cinderella.